7 Essential Conversations with Your Partner BEFORE Baby Arrives

Pregnancy is a whirlwind of excitement, but amidst the anticipation of nursery decorating and baby names, it's easy to overlook one of the most crucial parts of preparing for a baby: setting you and your partner up for postpartum success. There are critical conversations that need to be had BEFORE baby comes. These aren't just talks about logistics; they build a foundation for your family’s future.

To make your transition smoother and strengthen your bond, here are 7 essential conversations to have before baby arrives. (in no particular order)

1. "How do we both prioritize getting enough rest?"

Getting adequate sleep with a newborn can be tough, and sleep deprivation is no joke. To avoid exhaustion, it's vital to create a sleep strategy for new parents. Discuss how you can take turns with nighttime feedings or soothing sessions. Also, define what "rest" means for each of you—is it a nap, or does it mean an hour alone to recharge? This conversation is key to ensuring you're both supported.

2. "How will we check in when we are maxed out?"

The strain of newborn prep can push you to your limits. Recognize that feeling "maxed out" can show up as snapping, shutting down, or spacing out. Decide ahead of time to see this as an opportunity to gently ask your partner how you can support them. A simple, "What do you need right now?" is a great place to start, showing your commitment to couples communication and teamwork. For more insight into your partner's perspective, take a look at our post, [Dear soon to be dads]

3. "How will we divide responsibilities & chores specific to baby?"

Babies are a lot of work! This conversation is a crucial part of any new parent checklist. Talk through the various responsibilities you anticipate, from diaper changes to laundry, so you can divide and conquer. This collaborative approach makes sure you're a team from the start.

4. "How will we divide the invisible mental load?"

On top of practical day-to-day care, there is the heavy, hidden weight of the mental load for new parents. This includes things like scheduling appointments, restocking the diaper bag, and anticipating the baby's needs. To prevent one partner from shouldering this burden alone, discuss who will take the lead on different tasks. This pre-baby conversation ensures the mental labor is shared fairly.

5. "What boundaries need to be established with family and friends?"

This is one of the most difficult but necessary conversations to have before baby arrives. It's much harder to have these talks when you're in the throes of postpartum recovery and sleep deprivation. Set aside time now to navigate these delicate topics. Discuss visiting hours, how people can help (or not help!), social media privacy for the baby, and how to handle unsolicited advice. Remember that setting boundaries is also about protecting your mental health, which is a core message in our post, ‘Mama’s Stop Your Googling!’ By deciding how you will support each other's boundaries, you'll be a united front.

6. "What will intimacy look like for us?"

Intimacy isn’t just sex; it’s physical and emotional closeness. This conversation is essential for maintaining your relationship after baby. How will you prioritize time together for silent connection or conversations that don’t revolve around baby logistics? Intentionally fostering intimacy now will make a huge difference in your post-baby relationship. We explore this more in-depth in our post dedicated to [soon-to-be dads]

7. "What kind of support do we need? What kind of support do we have?"

Whether it's family visits, meal drop-offs, a postpartum doula, or help with pets, openly discuss what each of you needs and what you have available. Being honest about the support you want and the support you have is a vital step in preparing for a newborn. It’s important to remember that it takes a village to raise a mother. As we discuss in our post, [When We Gather in Support of the Mother], focusing on the mother's well-being is crucial for the entire family.

By having these conversations, you're not just preparing for a baby; you're building a stronger, more resilient partnership that can face any challenge together. This proactive approach can help you face your fears about birth and enter parenthood with confidence. What’s the one conversation you’re most looking forward to having with your partner? Share your thoughts and tips in the comments below. And if you know a couple who could use this guide, be sure to share it with them.