Should Your Children Be Present for Your Home Birth?
One of the most common questions we hear from families preparing for a home birth is, “What do you think about my older children being present for the birth?”
As midwives, we are big believers that there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question! Some families find that including their older children is a beautiful and very special part of welcoming a new baby. Other families feel the total opposite, finding that not including their other children allows mama to feel more relaxed and have more focused support as she labors.
If you are considering having your kids in the birth space, there are a few important things worth thinking through ahead of time.
Key Considerations for Kids in the Birth Space
1. Consider Your Child’s Age & Unique Temperament
Just like adults, different children respond to birth very differently. Some are naturally curious and fascinated by the process, while others may become frightened by the sounds, the physical intensity, or the changes they see in their mom.
Think about your individual child, not just their age:
Are they comfortable when things are unpredictable?
How do they respond when you are in pain?
Are they likely to feel anxious, or are they able to observe and go with the flow?
We highly recommend talking very openly about what home birth may look and sound like. Chat about the people who will be there—including your birth team—and what types of new things your child can expect to see in the home.
Recommended Reading for Siblings Here are a few books we have in the office that we love to recommend to growing families. You and your child are more than welcome to flip through them at one of your next visits!
Welcome Home by Alisha Bourke
The Birth of Our New Baby by Ashley Comer
Home Sweet Baby by Jonna Carter
Mama Says Homebirth by Miquilaue Young
2. Prepare for the Intensity of Birth
Even a completely normal and smooth birth can be quite loud, messy, emotional, raw, and wildly unpredictable. A laboring mama may moan, cry, breathe heavily, change positions frequently, or become very inward and focused. Children may need help understanding that these things are normal parts of birth and not signs that something is wrong.
At the same time, it is important to remember that birth does not always go according to plan. If the situation changes, your midwife may need the room to become very focused on the safety of the mother and baby. Having a plan for where your children will go if they need to leave the birth space—and how that might be explained to them in a comforting way—is essential.
3. Designate a Trusted Support Person
If children are going to attend the birth, you must have another trusted adult whose sole responsibility is caring for them.
This designated person can answer questions, get snacks, take them outside, play with them, comfort them, or leave with them if they decide they no longer want to be present. This allows the laboring mama to remain completely focused on the work she is doing to meet her baby, without the added weight of worrying about whether her child’s needs are being met.
4. Give Them Permission to Change Their Mind
A child who confidently says they want to watch the baby being born may feel very differently once labor begins. And that is perfectly okay!
Children should never feel obligated to stay. Let them know beforehand that they can come into the birth space, step out, or decide they don’t want to watch at all. Sometimes simply knowing they have a choice helps children feel safe and secure.
There Is No “Right” Choice
Including your children in the birth of a new baby can be incredibly special, creating a beautiful sense of intimate connection and belonging. For other families, keeping children away from the intensity and rawness of birth simply feels more peaceful. Neither choice is the “right” or “better” one.
The most important question isn’t, “Should my children be at this birth?” It is, “What will help my whole family feel safest, most supported, and most peaceful during this birth?”
Whether your children are right beside you, nearby with a trusted adult, or introduced to their new sibling shortly after birth, there is no wrong way to welcome a baby into your family.
Let's Talk About Your Birth Plan! We are always here, ready and willing to talk through these ideas, your hesitations, or your excitement. Be sure to bring up any questions about sibling preparation at your next prenatal visit!